Best idea of the night...

A friend lost her voice, she was using her phone to communicate via text, but it started to die. I offered mine up, but on one condition: no deleting the conversations. Here is the undoctored register:

I'm a light weight

I will eventually 

Just let me not be a drunk bitch for one night out of my life, ok?

I mean: when I'm not at Gabba, I'm a different person 

I can't but thank you 

I'm pretty tipsy enough 

I know 

This is my life 

I've had nothing but Whiskey all night, no way dude 

I've made my bed and now I have to sleep in it 

How was the rest of your night?

Haha, pretty good actually, after breaking down and then ditching the gear, I caught a case of pancakes with Matt Gorney and Ian +5 people

That sounds great! Tell them I said hi. I'll wait: the guys it was a joke

Don't humor me

Ok

You're the worst 

Yes, this is the future btw. 
People texting while sitting next to one anoth

I look forward to it. At least you have a choice. 

You missed a CRAZY dance party 
Who!?

Me, celina, adolpho, random bar dude 

What was style of moves brought?

Like 20% arms moving, and 80% ass. Good proportion for dancing 

This bar guy tried dancing with us but it was 100% ass and well - it just didn't work out 

Are you going to read all this tomorrow? Great, I love it 

You're gonna get all the dirt then 

What? That was to Chris cause he said he was gonna read all this tomorrow 

The operation went great, doctor said it should grow back to half the size in a couple years

That's great! Any word on that magician's license you're working on? And did she really go down in3 bullets? That seems a bit much to me..

It seems like Merlin was the ultimate wizard, I mean, he kind of makes dumbledore look like a puss

Well dumbledore was a puss, but that was just his sexual lifestyle 

If I do the math, Tom hanks has done more movies about Tom hanks than about being stranded on an island with a volleyball named Wilson, ... But it's close

Well you had me at Tom hanks, you know the guy from bachelor party?

You're a really good woo girl. Almost TOO good

I was in a sorority 

Everything makes sense now 

You're just making people dance around you?

You encourage him by being so nice 

Next time pee on his legm

You know what I've called you to Erin? America's cheerleader 

You're always so positive and encouraging of people. Don't sweat it that especially 

That's what makes it greater, the fact that you don't realize it 

What do you wanna write 

Yeah, but you're not really hanging out, you're just having people dance next to you...

You're stealing my lines. And maybe you're having people dance next to you and then occasionally flirty dance with Partida 

I mean. Whatever gets you through 

Partida is one hell of a man, people know that

He's America's cheerleader 

This applies then, today and forever...

"Open Letter to the Youth of our Nation"
by Hunter S. Thompson, circa 1955
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Awake from your slumber of indolence and harken the call of the future!

Do you realize that you are rapidly becoming a doomed generation? Do you realize that the fate of the world and of generations to come rests on your shoulders? Do you realize that at any time you may be called on to protect your country and the freedom of the world from the creeping scourge of Terrorism? How can you possibly laugh in the face of the disasters which face us from all sides? Oh ignorant youth, the world is not a joyous place. The time has come for you to dispense with the frivolous pleasures of childhood and get down to honest toil until you are sixty-five. Then and only then can you relax and collect your social security and live happily until the time of your death.

Also, your insolent attitude disturbs me greatly. You have the nerve to say that you have never known what it is like to live in a secure and peaceful world; you say that the present generation has balled things up to the extent that we now face a war so terrible that the very thought of it makes hardened veterans shudder; you say that it is impossible to lay any plans for the future until you are sure you have a future. I say Nonsense! None of these things matter. If you expect a future you must carve it out in the face of these things. You also say that you must wait until after you have served your time with the service to settle down. Ridiculous! It is a man's duty to pull up stakes and serve his country at any time, then settle down again.

I say there is no excuse for a feeling of insecurity on you part; there is no excuse for Juvenile Delinquency; there is no excuse for your attitude except that you are rotten and lazy! I was never like that! I worked hard; I saved; I didn't run around and stay out late at night; I carved out my own future through hard work and virtuous living, and look at me now; a respectable and successful man.

I warn you, if you don't start now it will be too late, and the blame for the end of the world will be laid at your feet. Heed my warning, oh depraved and profligate youth; I say awake, awake, awake!

Fearfully and disgustedly yours,
John J. Righteous-Hypocrite

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Take his words and use them in life.